As Easy As Plants Grow

Another one, coming right up!
This is actually one of my favorite poems. Eventhough i know it's not that good.
But i remember very well, that i write this one with my heart full of sadness and my mind focused on describing all of my feelings with words..

As simple as clapping hands could be

My mind and heart

Keep reminding me of you

As easy as a bird could fly

I can never stop thinking of how stupid i was

As difficult it is for a tiger to soar

I can never for get how much i love you

As crazy it is to see a turtle runs

I can never let go of you

I may have moved on

To another heart

So warm i almost thought it was you

So bright i almost believed it was you

So close to me i almost said it was you..

But somehow i know

How much difference you and him have

So far

Yet seem as thin as a red thread

That ties my finger

And never shows where the other end is..

Cause i still remember all about you

While my mind wanted me to know everything

About him..

Don't you know how hard it is

To have a heart

That walks two separate ways?

Don't you know how hard it is

To suffer from thinking about you

While i have promised not to?

Don't you know how hard it is

To feel such a pain from guilt

When i know i can never walk away from it?

As easy as plants grow

My words flow like the sun is not rising again

And the stars aren't sailing the galaxy again

Smooth and puring

Cause these words come from my inner heart

Wishing you will read it

Someday

Somehow...

-Stella-

Losing and Emptiness

This might be a poem from 1,5 years ago, but i'm still gonna post it.
hehehe just to make sure that this poem won't be deleted just like that

Enjoy~

For me

Losing you means

Losing my dreams

Losing my hopes

Losing the smile on my face

Losing the colours of my days

Losing the happiness in my heart

Losing the warmth i have within me

Losing the peace i have yet to found completely

Losing the love i really don't want to lose

Losing my source of power

Losing my energy

Losing my mind

Losing,,,

Myself...

All that's left in my heart

Is not even close to ordinary

Cause

Sadness

Hatred

Dissapointment

Anger

Are piling up

I can't smile

I can only cry

I can only put an expressionless face

I can only put an empty look

I only see grey and black through my eyes

As dull as watching an old TV

As hurtful as seeing the Grim Reaper come

No more rainbows

Like the ones i saw when you're around

Cause you're gone

With all those things

Taking all the good things left in me

Robbing my life

Left me wandering with no direction

Left me being so pathetic

Left me being so weak

Left me being so fragile

Left me being so,,,

Empty...

-Stella- 

Jugun Ianfu

Anybody know something about 'Jugun Ianfu'?
It's a name made for the victims of Japan's invasion in Indonesia. To be more exact, the sex slaves.
Me and my friends have this project for nationality subject to make a newspaper with a specific case with the topic 'Human Rights'. And because i didn't come to school when the case is decided, my other group members decided this topic.

I made this poem to complete the newspaper. You know, normal newspaper would sometimes have poems, short stories, crossword, etc as an entertainment, and so, because my friends now i love writing poems, they asked me to make one.

So, here goes nothing!

Tak lagi dapat berbunga

Tak lagi dapat bersinar

Tiada tersisa air mata

Tuk melampiaskan getir dalam diri yang ternoda ini

Tiada tersisa suara

Tuk keluarkan isak tangis

Tandakan getaran pedih dalam hati yang dihina ini

Tertutup senyuman tanpa hasrat

Keinginan untuk pulang pun tertunda

Hanya sedikit gula lah yang diminta

Namun bagai binatang kelaparan

Semua dilahap

Tak tersisa sedikit pun tuk Bekas Jepang ini

Hanya kebahagiaan tuk buah hati yang diminta

Namun bagai habis akan rasa iba

Tak dihiraukan semua jeritan hati itu

Sirna sudah

Harapan Manusia Kotor ini

Menunggu dewa dalam hitam menjemput

Menerima seluruh lekuk benang merah

Berharap tuk pulang secepat mungkin

Meringankan ngilu akibat liku perjalanan

-Stella-

Perubahan Hidupku 2

Heyya guys!
After a long time, i'm finally going to publish my new poem, a sequel of "Perubahan Hidupku"~ check it out and feel free to leave a comment! :D

Jauh di sana

Di arah yang kuharap sebagai ufuk timur

Dari sisi gelap semesta ini

Di tempat yan kuharap akan kembali terbit sang surya nan gemilang

 Kulihat secercah sinar

Putih,

Bersih tak ternoda

Tercengang,

Namun ku tak bertenaga tuk bangkit

Dan berlari mengejar setitik harapan itu

Yang entah menapa

Terasa akan sirna

Bila kuacuhkan adanya

Tanpa raga pun jadi

Kukejar setetes mimpi yang menjadi kenyataan itu

Hanya jiwa yang melayang

Dan naluri mengatakan inilah sayap kebebasan

Berharap kan menemukan

Apa yang selama ini

Kudoakan tanpa pernah mendapat balasan

Kumimpikan tanpa pernah mendapat jawaban

Kunyanyikan sepenuh hati dengan suara kebisuan

Uluran tangan

Begitu menggoda untuk kuraih

Begitu hangat dan terang

Lembut dan melebihi semua

Yang pernah terpikirkan olehku

Terbersit pikiran sang ular

Bahwa sekali lagi, inilah jebakan

Jebakan yang akan menyebabkanku

Terlempar begitu jauh

Dalam ke tengah neraka semesta ini

Kedua kalinya

Namun apa daya

Hati yang tersayat ini

Mengidamkan pengobatan

Perasaan yang hancur ini

Merindukan penyatuan

Tanpa banyak pikir

Dipenuhi oleh hasrat dan gembira yang membuncah

Kuambil keraguanku

Dan kulempar jauh

Hanya tuk menyambut tangan yang terulur itu

Yang sedari tadi kuacuhkan

Akhirnya terbukalah pintu

Yang selama ini hanya menyapaku dalam kekakuan

Jauh terpendam di bawah sadarku

Begitu megah

Indah

Namun belum terlihat juga apa itu dibaliknya

Menungguku sampai ke sana pada waktunya

Dan kali ini tak berhenti tanganku

Hanya memegangnya

Seperti yang selama ini ku percaya

Seraya tetap berharap

Kuputar pegangan pintu itu

Dan bertemulah aku dengan Surga..

-Stella-

The Beautiful Girl I Met in Tenth Grade

Heyya readers!! gosh, i miss you guys and my blog a lot! sorry for not being able to post oftenly like before.. Since I've been busy with my school life and so on and so on~

Btw, I just wanted to tell you, that I've broken up with Pandaa cause my parents didn't like him. And another reason is, I met a very charming girl, named Alicandra Bela. She *ups* is reaaallyyy cuteee and beautiful, and gorgeous, ananda she's got so many things in common with me~

Hehehe sorry sweety, just kidding :P

Actually, she is a he. He is my new friend~ wanna know how it all started? Check the following paragraph!

One Monday in the middle of August, he was looking at me all day during school until the end of the last hour. I was like, "what's with this guy? Looking at me like that all day. He could make someone misinterpret about our relationship (which is unknown to each other at that time). Gosh, stop looking at me! Cause it makes me feel like you like me or something! Stopppp!! I'm being too self-confidence and embarrassed by my own thinkings!! STOOPPPPPP!!!! Aaaghhhhh!!"

Well, yeah. Exaggerating? Maybe. But that was more or less what I was thinking that time :/

Then without any early warning, we were at the same club, Robotics. And that was shocking. Cause suddenly my face was all red @@
Well, you guys can imagine how I felt, right? Dx
And what's making it worse? HE WAS STILL LOOKING AT ME ALL THE WAY UNTIL ROBOTICS CLUB IS OVER!! Dx

Mean, right? Well yeah he was! Dx

And I couldn't stop thinking about it until I got back home. Then around 7 pm, he texted me (I didn't know his phone number yet that time, so of course, formality and defense mode is on).
A : "hello. Is this Stella? :o"
S : "who is this?"
A : "this is Abeeell. The one with the porcupine-like hair, and in the same class and club with youu... Remember? :o"
S : *pffftt* ( GYAHAHAHAHA THIS GUY'S CRAZY!) hahahha yeaah I do. What is it?"
A : "nothing. I just wanted to know you better. :D"
S : *pssh* oh, Goodd, please don't make me think of things such as he likes me or something @////@

Aahh forget it ._. I don't remember what came next ._.
But that's about it. And after that conversation, I consider him as a quite nice guy and decided to share to him what I've shared here :D just a littleee bit of my secret. X3

Then his replies were,, stunning ._. I never thought he'd gave such an answer. ._. And those replies just took my heart @//////@ I don't know why. He's just such a charming guy since that first chat ! @//////@

Okaayy whateverrrrrrr !!!! @//////@

Well, in short, we became best friend in about, only a few days xD
Then I introduce him to T and I~ and there it goes! Psychoclub was founded!! XD

Guess that's about all how it began. So, see ya in the next post! :D

Unerasable

LOVE

I thought i can change its direction

I thought i can move it somewhere else

I thought i can stop it

I thought i can hold it back

I thought i can have it...

"I love you"

A strong sentence

Made of 3 words

That i've never been able to say out loud

Before you came to my life

But you didn't notice me

When i've said it out loud

And you left me

Without hearing nothing and feeling anything

Then i thought i can command love

To stop heading towards him

And trying to go to another direction

For every step it makes

Stab my heart a thousand times

Then i felt like love has turned its head

Towards someone else

Eventhough it has not yet

To actually change its direction

And i felt a bit better

For a second

I thought love would change its path

But i was wrong again

For it only ran faster towards him

For reasons i do not know

And i finally realize

How love is unerasable

Like how your face

Your smile

Memories of you

In my mind

And in my heart

Are Unerasable

-Stella-

All I Ever Wanted

I don't know

What's in my life anymore

Except for sadness

I don't know why, it comes every single day

Making my heart aches until the end of the day

Leaving traces of tears on the next day

And repeat it on the day after tomorrow

All i ever wanted is peace

Coming to my life

Leaving the sadness behind

Pushing my smile to the front line

All i ever wanted

Is to have someone i love

To find out what Love really is

I thought i've found out what love is

For i have felt the best feeling i've ever felt

When you're around me...

But i guess i was wrong 

-Stella-