Sunday, September 21, 2014

New Blog !

Guys! Since I now have realized how embarrassing the stuffs I wrote here are, I am thinking of instead of changing the address, I might as well just change the blog. So starting tonight, my blog is going to go back to normal but there is going to be a new blog which is going to be devoted only for poems I write and the address is and I hope you enjoy it!


Monday, September 15, 2014

Rivers of Secret

More to love
Yes, about you

Without doubts
Heartfelt words as proof
Of you, of us
Living danger
Entrusted by love

Weak and puny
Only I know myself
Rivers of secrets
Looking flawless yet
Drowned in remorse

Is not about you
Is not about me
Is about us

Driven sideways by regret

In the rivers of secret
Another dream
Another wish
Washed away

-Stella- (13/09/2014)


Loud and clear
The message was heard
Straight forward your words come out

"I love you"
"I want you"
"I need you"

Unclear whispers
Complicated answers
All I can say

"You're beautiful"
"You're kind"
"You're perfect"

Turned my face away
Blushed and hid it
Said no to everything
All I can do

Against a life impossible
Against a wish impeccable

"Will you be mine?"

-Stella- (13/09/2014)

Every Choice

Picture your face
Painted as a masterpiece on a vase
Delivered with passion
Wrapped with unlimited devotion

To eternity it goes
Through years and worlds
Between the past and present
All it knows are memories and the future

Upon a raging ocean it swims
Taking every step with peace
Peace, to ease every heart
Knows only not to feel
Knows only not to think
Knows only to hide its appearance

Under the open sky
Considering every choice with intellect
Though a thought is not to choose
For a mind unsettled
For a heart insecured
For a pair of hands tied behind
For lips bound to shut

In the middle of the running world
A soul to choose its path

-Stella- (10/09/2014)

Vintage Age

Dependant on love
Only God knows why
Nevertheless I live
To see either A or B

Landlord of a space
Eventually abandoned and aged
After years of company
Vintage age, I suppose
Endure death, not a choice

Maked with a grin
Endorsed in luxury

Though I'm young
Though I'm stupid
Though I'm yours

Though we're only human

-Stella- (10/09/2014)

Summer Evening

Indistinct place

Dusty furnitures
Rusty silverwares
Empty halls
A part of a dream
Made of anguish
Treated with riddles

On a summer evening
Full of orange

Yet no wish can ever be wished
On this summer evening
Upon the sky nor the ground

Every night since
Every second since
Every time I close my eyes

How I wish dreams would last

-Stella- (09/09/2014)

Down The Well and Up

At a crop field
Charging towards high grass
Rise my face against the wind
Over the sky my heart goes
Seeing things i never saw
Seeking things i never got

To travel under the sun
Harassed by thoughts of a face
Enchanted by dreams that never came

Without worries
Or even fears
Raising my hopes to a world unknown
Losing my cool to the thought of a star
Down the well and up

I wish i can go

-Stella- (08/09/2014)


Untied to the world
Night is its company
Driving wishes to come true
Engrossed with the universe
Rooting souls to never quit

Tonight I stare
Humming with the wind
Enchanted by the love song it made

Morning to stay behind
Oceans to bow upon you
Own every soul beneath your dim light
Never dark, never obscure

I wish
I pray
I admire

Oh fullmoon
I kneel upon you

-Stella- (08/09/2014)

In Time and Space

Another day I do not wish for
Looking blue
Looking black

Irrational yet as real as the sun

Towards hours I walk
Haunted by rays of moonlight
I know it's you
Not close, not far
Keeps me searching for the star

Anything I do
Bound to say "The world is unfair"
Or "I want to be up in the sky"
Unlike any other
Time and space is the reason

If I only know
Such a thing I wouldn't do

Yet derived by depression
Only comfort I seek
Untied, unbound

Since I found you

-Stella- (7/9/2014)

Of You and You

Instinctive feeling

Made to drive my heart
Interestingly against my will
Secretly towards you
Simply not understandable

Yet tears are there as proof
Of how the heart does
Until I see you

Sounds and pictures
Of you and you

Missing so much, I lost you
Upon a dream I hung myself
Carrying my only prayer
How I want to see you

And I need you and you

-Stella- (7/9/2014)

Memangku Anak Bulan

Dipenuhi tanah
Tangan mencari buah
Berselimut harap
Bersarungkan keyakinan

Ditemani peluh mengisi meja
Dengan hadiah, dengan syukur
Satu malam berlalu
Tuhan masih menemani

Merindu dunia
Bayang-bayang jauh di Bulan
Menutup diri dari sungai
Sungai jauh dari bumi

Para penempa bumi
Mengangkut, menimang anak Bulan
Bagai kancil menjamu singa
Buta namun melihat

Memangku anak Bulan
Di tengah jantung bumi
Bagai kucing menjamu anjing
Takjub akan satu sama lain
Saling tatap, saling tak acuh
Memanggil tanah perantara dunia

-Stella- (7/9/2014)

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Mimpi Semata

Berjuta rasa
Berjuta kata
Remukkan hati
Menjadi serpih demi serpih

Kulepas air mata
Jatuh ke dunia
Tak bersahabat
Tak berakhir

Kurelakan sepasang mata
Tertutup karena pedih
Luka mendalam
Sakit tak berbekas

Setitik cahaya tak kentara
Penuh harap
Penuh dosa
Bagi dunia itu dosa

Secercah impian
Penuh cinta
Penuh tawa
Bagi dunia itu musuh

Selarik nada
Penuh rindu
Penuh angan
Bagi dunia itu harus sirna

Begitu tak bersahabat
Begitu mimpi semata


Meeting You Was A Coincidence

Meeting you was a coincidence
Your heart was afar

Looking for you was never a challenge
Until you went and fly away
Chanting my name nowadays
Kicks in my head from thoughts of you
Yards i wish i can make

Chatting as time goes
Harvesting feeling like none before
Asking why along the way
Rescuing a soul about to be depraved
Meeting you was a blessing

And i can only hope
For more as you're here


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Dear, I'm Letting You Go

Simply trying to understand
The meaning of forgetting
The meaning of remembering
The meaning of cherishing
A memory that has been there
And will always be

To cover up a story
I never wanted to share
I never wanted to acknowledge

To remove the dark pictures
I always wanted to throw
I always wanted to vanish

Simply trying to understand
The meaning of letting go
The meaning of throwing everything away
The meaning of putting everything far away
A secret that has been there
And will always be

A secret to always hide
A secret to never mention
A secret between you and me
Dear, have we changed
Dear, have we decided
Dear, I'm letting you go


Changing My Blog's Address

Since I'm definitely having some changes in life, I kinda want to change my blog's address :D
So I'm gonna wait till about a week and after that, my new blog's address will be

So remember to save my new address!


Menanti Kesempatan

Mencinta langit
Dikala hujan tak terlihat
Mencinta air
Dikala hujan berlimpah

Menatap cakrawala
Tanpa lelah, tanpa letih
Mencari secercah sinar
Menilik seberkas cahaya

Terbalut rintik
Berselimut rindu
Bersemayam dalam dingin
Mencinta gelapnya awan

Tanpa payung untuk berteduh
Tak seorang tuk melindungi
Tak seorang tuk berbagi


Sedu-sedan kan berakhir
Tak kurasa hujan miliki akhir
Tak kurasa waktu bersahabat

Esok yang kuimpikan
Subuh yang kunanti
Demi mencari belahan jiwa
Tatkala dunia tak mengijinkan
Kugenggam erat dirimu dalam hati
Hati yang merenung
Menanti kesempatan


Back to Blogging

Hey guys,

I think it's been an awfully long time, huh? Yea, figured. Since I haven't been really in the mood to write. I even thought for once that I had lost my passion to write. I know, it was silly. But what can I say? Not everyday someone gets that anxiety and urge to write, moreover a poem :D But I think there's a lot more coming starting today. Since the events happening here in my life are finally starting to get a lot better. And I'm just so grateful :D

You know, one thing I learned just a short time ago, is how love is such an unpredictable and confusing matter. One time you love, the other you don't. Another time you remember, the other you forget. Another time you yearns, the other you despise. So basically it's something i still can't figure out why. Something i still want to find out more about.

Well, just wait for more to come this way. Since i believe that it's finally a great time for me to start blogging again :D It's just perfect.

And enjoy your time here. I hope these poems give you inspiration and power, like how they gave me those :D



For years I've loved
For months I've dreamed
For weeks I've cried
For days I've hoped

But your name is all I have
Memories of the old you is all I remember
Your heart is still hidden

Deep inside a village
With people locking themselves in
With angels travelling
Yet giving no care
Yet taking no glance

Only a shadow
A part of my world
The shadow i've always seen
The shadow i've always followed
My own shadow
My shadow who was walking next to you


Mengharap Namun Sirna

Laut yang berbaring tenang
Sunyi tanpa riak
Tanpa pertanda kehiudpan

Pelita berterbangan
Melawan arus
Menembus ombak

Suara mencari getaran
Terhalang dunia
Ditepis angin

Warna menari
Bersuka, bercinta
Melukis, menulis
Mencuri jiwa

Bersemayam diujung malam
Terlindungi, tersembunyi
Tak dikenal, tak diketahui
Bermandi sinar bulan, berbalut bayangan

Berharap jiwa berlalu
Mencari, menemukan
Melihat, menyelamatkan

Mengharap namun sirna
Meminta tanpa balasan



Read my heart
Inside out
Changed my path
Here and there
Another place
Right accross the ocean
Directly under the sun


Revealing secrets
Indifferent to treasures
Kind but far
Undivided yet separated
Strong yet broken
Unidentified yet loved

A secret to live with
Short in time
But rich in memories
A secret to keep hidden
To admire and to cherish
Yet to let go and to say farewell
Is all there is to it




A firm grasp of who i am
Levelled up by glances
Enhanced by voices
X as the sign of wrong
Another kiss is stolen
Not one you does not know
Directly through my body
Enters my heart like an open room
Reaches my deepest fears

Asked by your heart
Beyond a firm line
Enterring a new world
Leaving my sorrow

Infinite possibilities

Looking for a future
Only the two of us
Vows over rings
Escaped the world

You took my hand
Over night i dream
United as one

And forever more i wish
And forever more we are
And forever more i will


Unlike The World

Facing our fears
Facing our time
Facing our deaths

Unlike life
they're dark

Unlike the world
they're fair

Fair for their way
Choices are not to be
Questions are not to be asked
Wishes are meant only to break

my only wish
broken by a failure

Running away
my only choice
blocked by a wall
made by my own heart

my only way
revealed by fear
my own fear

Surrounded by knives
Tempted by 2 stories up
Searching for a way to go
Without pain
Without thoughts
Just peace
and silence

Unlike the world
They're fair
Towards their preys
By their own rules

The Depths of A Secret

In unlimited depth
As well as a heart
with unlimited capacity
Has their share of secrets

Unknown by itself
Hidden from others
Concealed from many

In years of living
As well as the world
with its unlimited crimes

Revealed at times
Hated by then
Despised immediately

I realize
I know
Of its existence
Yet my conscious
Is all but acknowledging

The depths of a secret
Untouched by conscious
Made by reality
Taken away by life
And unwanted by time and space


Love Asks

Love far away from here
Love stunned by space
Love blocked by time
Love rejected by heart
Love simply asking for understanding
Love simply wanting some affection

"Is it death?"
love asks,
"Or is it merely pain without wounds?"

asking for decision

asking for a choice

seeking for a place to hide

wishing for love to go
waiting for love to come
asking for love to vanish
hoping for love to stay

"Is this normal?"
love asks
"Or is this merely a sin made by human?"

simply asking for directions


Just an Obsession

From afar
From a distance

Just a glimpse
Just a second

All i have
All i can do

Perfectly normal
Though impossible to bear

Completely innocent
Yet filled with lust

Is this love?
Or is this an obsession?

Tickles my senses
Aggravates my heart

Is this love?
Or is this an obsession?

Distant, yet close
Not realizing
Yet our eyes met

How i wish
How i pray
How i want you


A Bit Far to The Northwest

Blinded by fun
Deafened by the music of angels
Numbed by a depict

Still my heart does not know its place
Still my heart yearns for more
Still my heart wishes for the impossible

A bit far to the northwest
Where day is all there is
Where light is all you have

Still my heart prays for another
Still my heart asks for life
Still my heart knows not where to stand

A bit far to the northwest
I can see
I can hear
I can feel

Still i know not where to live
Still i know not which way to take
Still i know not my heart's place


Friday, August 23, 2013

Love, My Dear

Here's one new poem i dedicated for my beloved boyfriend!

Anxiety filled me up
Whenever you revealed your presence

Sincerity I felt
Whenever those brown eyes caught me

Ludricus I became
Whenever your voice jingled in my head
Whenever your face danced in my heart

Was it love
I wondered

But nothing ever came out of my brain
For my body can only say the unspeakable
For my mouth can only tremble as I thought of that fact
For my eyes can only see you in this vacancy
For my ears can only hear what others cannot
For this heart can only feel the unexplainable
“Love, my dear, love has found its way to me,” I thought
“Love, my dear, is asking
Whether or not you can accept it

Accept this love i have raised for you,” I told him.


Monday, August 19, 2013

That First Celebration


You know, since i haven't been posting since last year, i can't quite remember all the details of the events i wanted to write down. So i'll just skip and write about the recent special events. okay?

Abel's Birthday!

Yeah! It was his birthday! 18 of July! And I was so excited i even came up with a surprise party and Tata came up with a really, really, GREAT gift!!

At first, we all only wanted to do a surprise party consisting of distracting him from going home for about an hour after school, pouring water on him when he opened his house's door, and then letting him in with a decorated cheesecake~ but then Tata came up with these two magnificent ideas; a gift which is a printed cup of Vocaloid and glasses of hot cocoa to accompany the cheesecake.

We all simple agreed cause it was great! and then we started designing the cups~

I and Rotoko both made the designs ourselves and printed it right away. Even though the total price exceeded our expectations, we still bought it cause it was still within our reach.

And apart from the present, everything doesn't really matter. Except for the fact that i almost panicked when my budget to make the cake wasn't enough and i didn't have the size of tin i wanted. aghh how frustrating it was! Moreover, the cheese cream i bought wasn't warm and melted enough until i had to stir them for more than 2 hours!! and they were still not mixed!!

Until i gave up and just baked it. Well, fortunately, God was on my side and my cheesecake tasted really good! x3

Not just that, I and Rotoko also had trouble about how to get the ordered cups without making Abel suspicious?? And then Rotoko brilliantly came up with an idea of taking me to see Rata (a disguised name, of course)! Although i felt really bad for leaving Abel alone with Rotoko's brother at Rotoko's house :(( I really hated that part! ><

Well, thanks to that, I and Rotoko successfully took the cups and wrapped it nicely~ And what i meant by nicely wrapped is wrapped in about 10 layers and was really hard to open! MUAHAHA

Then the long awaited day came!

at that day, i was planning to make the counseling teachers to play the role of distracting Abel from coming home early. But they said that they had a meeting! Aghh! So i had to take that role, since Tata and Rotoko didn't know what to do to distract him.

Because of that, i embarassed myself and acted all crazy and stupid and like a lunatic! Gosh what an embarassing day! Dx

But thanks to that, Tata and Rotoko had enough time to prepare everything just right when i had no more excuses to keep him from going home.

Now we finally arrived at his house. Tata told me she was ready and after Abel parked his bicycle, i asked for his jacket cause i thought it wouldn't be nice to make it wet as well. But i forgot about his bag. Even though i knew his bag was waterproof. But Tata didn't know. And the whole "GET HIM DRIPPING WET" plan was almost ruined if it weren't for Abel giving up to being poured at. wkwkwk too bad it didn't go very smoothly as planned~

Then Rotoko came out and shouted a Happy Birthday! And then Abel went in and we told him to sit down and made a wish before he blew the candles! Of course, I had to prepare my camera first! hehehe

After he did that, we told him to change clothes while we were waiting for Rotoko to finish making the hot cocoa~ Then we told him to open the present!!!

Wow!! You guys should have seen it for yourselves! he was so happy, excited, embarassed, and so on!! He blushed, he couldn't stop smiling, and he was really happy!! xD aaaaaa how i love that expression!! xD

Moreover when he figured out the present and tasted my cake~ >//////< I was so happy that Abel, Tata, and Rotoko all loved my cake! hehehe this is the very reason why i love baking~ >////////<

And after we tasted the cake, we chatted for a long time and then we played card games! Hahaha it was my first time playing truff (correct me if the spelling is wrong), blackjack, and poker xD and it was lots of fun!haha xD

Well, too bad Abel's mom came shortly and asked as to go because she wanted to take Abel for dinner to celebrate his birthday. But it was fine, though. We had had enough joy xD

Well, it was basically the end~ but as a not-important side story, Rotoko and I decided to go to Tata's house to continue playing cards until I and Rotoko decided to go home~

Okay, end of this post! Byeeee!


Sunday, August 18, 2013

The Guy That Made My Whole Life

When I saw you
And the world stopped spinning
And the fireflies came around
That's the time 
When I knew
That the magnanimous Lord
Has given me a whole new life

Bela is the boy (maybe girl lol) that i fell in love with. He was a guy that had a SKANKY, BITCHY, AND DISGUSTING ex called SCUMBAG. Yeah how i hate that bitch.

Well, i first knew him from Robotics class and then we started chatting. And after a while, i found out about how SCUMBAG forced him to do things only a bitch and a jerk would want to do. He told me how he was always forced to do those and how he never knew about the real meaning of it. Although it is supposed to be a sacred and beautiful thing.

Since then, i made up my mind. I want to teach that a beautiful romance life between a girl and a boy IS A LOT BETTER than that scumbag. But apart from that, i didn't exactly remember since when did i start to like him. He was lovely. Cute and handsome, funny and smart, very creative and good with art, caring and give lots of attention. I liked him.

And as soon as we started to know how we felt about each other, our group, Psychoclub, got closer. At first, Tata and Rotoko didn't trust him that much yet. But as time flew, we got along really well.

Well, i know you guys are maybe not interested with all the boring details, so let's just stick with the main topic.

After a long i-like-you-and-you-like-me relationship, we started dating on seventh of January 2013. It was a day after my birthday celebration. My birthday is actually on the fifth. hehe

You know, he was so sweet. He wrote me a note with his beautiful calligraphic writing "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" and passed it to me during lunch time at school. He told me that he waited this long so that the happiness i felt since the day before my birthday won't stop now. hehe how sweet~

And then, my whole life is different~

He made me forget about Henry, he made my family like him, he made me a better person. 

But not just that, he made me believe in people outside my little circle of life once again. And that's how special he is to me~


Psychoclub is Formed!

Heyya guys!

i'm finally back on :3 thanks to someone who keeps blackmailing me everyday to post :P

hehe btw, i want to tell you guys about this new "club" i formed with my best friends at school.
As a start, you know Bela already, right? now, me and him are just so connected with our so called "normality" and one day, we made this thing called the "DUO PSYCHO" with a motto, "WE SCARE BECAUSE WE CARE". ahahaha~ crazy, huh?

now, when i told Tata and Rotoko about this, they were like laughing and said, "DAFUQ!" xD
but then this is how we start "Psychoclub" xD
since everyone is such a "normal" yet "psychotic" people. xD

well, actually, we started this club as a study club. we go to Bela or Tata's house every tuesday to study together~ well, we still do that, but now it's a bit different. now, almost everytime, you can only find the 4 of us. not only 1 or 2 or 3 of us. hehe~

Psychoclub is the start, then we all just get closer to each other. we came to Nakula (an event at my school) together and we even get some other guys to join! such as the Chiromancer, the GummyBear guy, Dede, Tata's big bro, and Ace's boyfriend. hehhee it was such a great evening! gosh! xD

Well, that's basically how it all started~ my whole new life with Psychoclub begins~