How are you guys? I hope you're all better than me.
I have been really down again. For a few days, I actually thougt I have moved on. See how I actually stopped posting for a while?
I deleted his number, blocked him on Skype, etc. But I keep going back now.
I keep listening to his recordings. I re-add him on Skype which made him blocked me back. I keep thinking on going to the store to print his photo. I keep thinking of messaging him.
When will this end?
I know, I wanted this. I wanted this love to haunt me forever, but I never thought it was going to be this painful. Though, yea, I don't really want to move on either. This love is... kind of the one thing I really hold on to in my life now.. I'm tired of the sorrow it takes along side, but I know that this love will someday take me back to T.. Or at least I hope so..
I'm actually really confused. At times, I will feel nothing towards X.. And some other time, I will feel that spark of love again... What is happening with me?
At worst time, I even feel like I want to break up with him for his own good because I can't stop thinking of T... But I don't want to.. Cause when I think of breaking up, I also feel my guilt and longing for X.. I'm never going to do that..
I just want a way to know which way I will get.. Like, so I can make up my mind and lead a better life both for me and X...
T, can you please get out of my mind? Stay in my heart as my past and my love, but also stay away from my love life with X as I want to be a better person for him... Also because I know we won't work out.. Not anymore... I know because you will never be able to trust me again even if you have forgiven me and taken me back.. So please... Leave me alone.... Take your love back with you and give me back mine....
I love you, but I want you gone... Please..